Assalammualaikum Ilan Aydeen,
Last night you woke up screaming at almost 12am. Mama and Papa pujuk Ilan, dukung Ilan, bagi Ilan 'bubu' but Ilan still tak stop nangis. Ilan nangis sampai teresak-esak. Mama sedih sangat coz Mama tak tau why you are feeling that way and sedih coz I don't know how to make you feel better or take away whatever is hurting you.
Last-last mama dukung Ilan and jalan-jalan luar bilik. Wiped your tears and calmed you down. Then Ilan nak main-main and tak nak sleep. Sorry nak, Mama sleepy teramat sangat malam smalam. Usually I will stay up and teman if you wake up in the middle of the night and nak ajak main. But last night I was really too tired so Papa had to teman you instead.
Nasib baik tak lama after that, you ngantuk and comfort nursed sampai tertido in my arms... sampai pagi... Smalam, when you looked at me in the eyes each time Mama zikir and usap kepala Ilan, I know that you recognize me and that's one way you say "I love you Mama...". Thank you Ilan, Mama really needed that assurance sometimes.
Sebak when dengar Oma cerita pasal Ilan pandai buat ni lah, gelak-gelak lah, Ilan nak tido ngan Oma je or Oma ajar Ilan this and that. Sebak coz I can't be a part of your happiness. A part of your growing up stage. But you are happy, and you deserve to be happy.
If only you knew how hard it is for me to leave you each day and not be the one to raise you, cook your meals, comfort you when you cry during the day.
I love you sayang. Forever and ever and ever. Insyallah..
28 Jan 2014